6 Fingered Adventures


The first gig of the new year spirits are high and the cars are loaded down at Ian’s ready to set off. We're gong to pick up Daryl, our dogsbody[1] then go on and pick up Gav Miller a freelance writer who writes for several local and national websites and zines. Ok check the gear and enthusiastic "Rock and Roll" and we're off to pick up Daryl.

Lawnmower Deth
Picking up Daryl he shifts through the music and manages to do a good job of hiding his disgust at my lack of having any Brittany Spears CD's and instead plums for a bit of Bloodstream. All is going fine Until we get on a steep climb up towards Gav's house when I hear what sounds like a old petrol run lawnmower, however it's dark outside and there aren't any 'mowers in sight. Bugger, yup that means it's coming from my car. So it's a quick stop and have a look at it.
Humm well it looks ok doesn't look like its going to blow up. However I'm not about to continue this journey sounding like a boy racers dream car. So its back home to give it a proper look over while Ian carries on and picks up Gav.
So we drive back home with all the chavs on the street corners looking at me with awe on their faces as I drive past scaring the hell out of cats in the area.

Cunning Plans
Its now some time later the cars on the drive way I've given up on getting it sorted as I can't see the problem with it as the only torch I can find to provide illumination gives out about as much light as, well, as a vastly underpowered torch which batteries are running out in. Ian’s just arrived in his car with Gav and Kelly and is currently on the phone to our drummer Lee who rather uncharacteristicly has turned up for the gig early, no wait is that the time, shit he's on time we're just running very late. Daryl, Gav and Kelly are standing around doing that nervous laughing people do when they know that everything is going hideously wrong but don't know quiet what to say.
The problem now is that my amp is rather large, about 2/3 my height, and won't fit into Ian’s car. It defiantly won't fit into Ian's car with five people in.
"Arrr" I exclaim sounding rather like a pirate "my other amp"
This meets with general shouts of "Rock and Roll" from the others. Rushing into my house and shifting my smaller amp downstairs to plug in and test that it works. Which it promptly doesn't. Just as I'm musing that yes I really should of got round to buying a fuse for it when it blew last time Ian informs me that we can't use another bands bass amp. And why you might enquire, as I did, was this. Apparently the first band are packing up and leaving with their amp as soon as they finish their set. And the other two don't have a bass player, Yeah I know god damn heathens.
"Right ok, ok we need a plan" I say while donning my best thinking expression. Kelly rather sensibly came up with the idea that Daryl, Gav and herself would catch the train in leaving more room for my amp in the car. I had to admit this was better then the idea that I was about to suggest which was hide under the table and have a bit of a cry.
"Ok Rock and Roll" And we speed off to the train station just making it in the nick of time to drop them off for the train to Leeds.

Didn’t think that through did we
Okay right back home to try and fit my amp into Ian's car. On the way back it dawns on us that this is still going to be the old square peg into a round hole.
However luckily It would fit nice and snugly in my dads car, so its on the blower for a quick begathon to him and yes! he'll help out and will be there as soon as he can.
"Rock and Roll" we're back in business.
Okay now my dads car is loaded up with all my equipment. However we've realised that none of us actually know where the venue is as the only one who did, Kelly, has got on the train to Leeds so we're studying a street man trying to figure out where the hell it is. With a general idea of the area we head off. To be fair as well we do quite well and manage to get there without getting too lost[2]

I ain’t your bitch
Okay we're there, we're setup, we've sound checked and the first band is playing. I've got a pint in my hand and I'm trying to loosen up a bit find inner peace and mentally prepare for the gig. This becomes somewhat harder to do when there is a big drunk skinhead playing drums on your back and head. I tactfully inform him that We're not in prison and I'm not his bitch and then quickly remove myself to the pool room before he can make a retort.

”Hello Cleveland!"
Finally it's our turn to play and we're into our second song when I drop my pick, no biggy I grab another one and carry on. At the end of the song I bend down and retrieve my dropped pick. As I do this I realise that I'm standing in a huge pool of lager that one of the previous bands has spilled. I now have a sticky hand from a lager soaked pick making it really hard to maintain a good grip on them. I also note at this point that the power sockets are on the floor not too far away from the puddle and spend the rest of the gig hoping from side to side trying to avoid standing in the puddle and praying to the god of musicians[3] not to be electrocuted.
Thankfully I'm not and the new set went down a storm. Yay!



[1] A dogsbody is like a roadie but with a more laid back attitude to work. Indeed if they had a more laid back attitude towards it they would be horizontal. However we don't pay him so there isn't really much room to complain.
[2] Well we did better then when I tried to find the Snotty Fox. Ye Gawds! What a trip that was.
[3]That’s the lesser known god Roy who is also the god of greengrocers.